My last post got me thinking about how anyone can write mediocre poetry. People do it all the time without really trying. On the other hand, it's much more difficult to deliberately write something that is truly awful. So I thought I’d have a go. Have I succeeded? Waste of a Vagina Why can't you be a normal bitch with half a mind to suck my dick? Instead you are a grating vegan, witchy, gay, eschewing penii.
Until a few years ago, I taught English abroad. If you've ever worked overseas, you'd know that you can't get a work visa without a HIV screening. It is possible to get one before leaving home, but there's generally no expectation of that from employers, and anyway in Australia it's fiddly, time-consuming and expensive (like everything else). 99.99% of the time you'll be tested after arrival in your host country, and it's better that way. Well, sometimes... Anyway, I’d been in Country X for some months. A few days after my HIV test at the local hospital, my boss called me into his office. He dropped a bombshell: the hospital had phoned to say I was HIV positive. HIV positive. Fuck! It was one of the most chilling experiences I've ever had, and I was utterly devastated. I didn't get much sleep. I spent days in my own personal hell, agonising over stuff like WHO? and WHEN? Eventually I decided that there was no way I could live with HIV. It might sound
It's the dawn of the 90s and I'm a fresh face at uni. I meet an overseas student called Edmund. He's in one of my English tutorial groups and seems pretty friendly. When he invites me to a party on a Friday night at something called the Celtic Club in the city centre, I say yes. Yes! My first uni bash! I'm stoked because I've heard university parties really go off - I'm ready to get amongst it! Party! Friday night comes around. Woohoo! I get on the bus and go to the city. I find the Celtic Club. I'm ready to rock, baby! But wait... how come there's no bouncer at the door? That's weird. There's a decent crowd inside, so surely that's a good sign? Everyone's playing limbo, though, which seems a little bit strange. And there's not a drop of booze in sight. I'm a little bit wary. I mean, it's Australia... and we've got uni undergrads... at a dry Irish club... playing limbo? Yeah, really doesn't add up. I start asking mysel
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