How to royally arse-fuck a TV show or movie franchise in 6 simple steps

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    Attention studio bosses! Would you like to make a shit TV show or movie, or absolutely sink an existing franchise? Would you like to lose a metric fuckton of money, your audience, your credibility, and have everyone giggle at your expense? You would? Great! All you need to do is follow contemporary Hollywood's tried-and-tested formula:

    STEP 1

    Create and air a show that leans hard into identity politics, gender-swapped and/or race-swapped characters, and girlboss feminist bullshit

    STEP 2

    When your audience of PAYING CUSTOMERS baulks at your show's dumb content, immediately denounce them as toxic bigots

    STEP 3

    Claim that your show is a massive hit. Recruit media shills to help sell this obvious lie - spin, spin, spin!

    STEP 4

    Renew your attacks on the PAYING CUSTOMERS who continue to say they don't like your show. Call them names - 'Nazi' and 'incel' are ideal because everyone hates those flavours of dickheads

    STEP 5

    Double down on steps 2 and 3. You could also attempt to deflect ongoing and future criticism of your show via some kind of faux-progressive performative bullshit. A great way to do this would be to make dramatic announcements that you're hiring new, exclusively female and/or non-white staff for your show. Now you get to scream "Misogynist!" and/or "Racist!" at anyone who dares question your decision
     
    STEP 6

    Even when you can no longer hide the fact that your show tanked for no other reason than because it just fucking sucked, don't own up to it. Continue to blame your audience of PAYING CUSTOMERS. By no means should you admit that your failure was you creating something that no one wanted.

Still need convincing? Here's a list of recent TV and movie fuckups that prove my point. I'm pretty much just scratching the surface here...

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022- )
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
The Flash (2023)
Elemental (2023)
Velma (2023- )
The Little Mermaid (2023)
Willow (2022–2023)
Ant Man: Quantumania (2023)
Queen Cleopatra (2023)
Peter Pan and Wendy (2023)
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Ms. Marvel (2022)
Strange World (2022)
Amsterdam (2022)
Devotion (2022)
Babylon (2022)
The Witcher: Blood Origin (2022)
G4 Gameday LCS (2022)
Westworld (2016-2022)
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022- )
Batwoman (2019–2022)
Batgirl (pulled from release, lol)
Lightyear (2022)
The Book of Boba Fett (2021-2022)
Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021- )
Black Widow (2021)
No Time to Die (2021)
The Wheel of Time (2021- )
Eternals (2021)
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Mulan (2020)
Birds of Prey (2020)
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
The Mandalorian (2019- )
The Witcher (2019- )
Men in Black: International (2019)
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Charlie's Angels (2019)
Cats (2019)
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2017)
Ghostbusters (2016)
Doctor Who (2005- )

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