How to ruin a TV show or movie franchise in 6 simple steps

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    Attention studio bosses! Would you like to
     
    • make a shit TV show or movie
    • sink an existing franchise
    • lose a metric fuckton of money, your audience, your credibility, and
    • have everyone giggle at your expense? 
     
    You would? Great! All you need to do is follow contemporary Hollywood's tried-and-tested formula:

    STEP 1

    Create and air a show that leans HARD into identity politics, gender-swapped and/or race-swapped characters, and girlboss feminist bullshit. Bonus points if it's in a genre with a predominantly male audience i.e. sci-fi, fantasy, action. Regardless, make sure your white male characters are villains, comic relief, and/or weak and ineffectual

    STEP 2

    When your audience baulks at your show's dumb content, immediately denounce them as toxic woman-hating bigots. Ignore the fact that they're paying customers

    STEP 3

    Claim that your show is a massive hit. Recruit media shills to help sell this obvious lie - spin, spin, spin!

    STEP 4

    Renew your attacks on anyone who continues to say they don't like your show. Call them names - 'Nazi' and 'incel' are ideal because everyone hates those flavours of dickheads. Again, don't worry about the fact that they're paying customers

    STEP 5

    Double down on steps 2 and 3. Consider ways to deflect ongoing and future criticism of your show via some kind of faux-progressive performative bullshit. A particularly effective method involves making dramatic announcements that you're hiring new, exclusively female and/or non-white staff for your show. Now you get to scream "Misogynist!" and/or "Racist!" at anyone who dares question your decision
     
    STEP 6

    Even when you can no longer hide the fact that your show tanked for no other reason than it just fucking sucked, don't own up to it. Continue to blame your audience - the paying customers you attacked and alienated. By no means should you admit that your failure was you creating something that absolutely no one wanted.

Still need convincing? Here's a list of recent TV and movie flops - shows that crashed and burned because they followed Hollywood's own magic formula outlined above. And I'm pretty much just scratching the surface here...

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
The Flash (2023)
Elemental (2023)
Velma (2023- )
The Little Mermaid (2023)
Willow (2022–2023)
Ant Man: Quantumania (2023)
Queen Cleopatra (2023)
Peter Pan and Wendy (2023)
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022- )
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Ms. Marvel (2022)
Strange World (2022)
Amsterdam (2022)
Devotion (2022)
Babylon (2022)
The Witcher: Blood Origin (2022)
G4 Gameday LCS (2022)
Westworld (2016-2022)
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022 - )
Batwoman (2019–2022)
Batgirl (pulled from release, lol)
Lightyear (2022)
The Book of Boba Fett (2021-2022)
Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021- )
Black Widow (2021)
No Time to Die (2021)
The Wheel of Time (2021- )
Eternals (2021)
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Mulan (2020)
Birds of Prey (2020)
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
The Mandalorian (2019- )
The Witcher (2019- )
Men in Black: International (2019)
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Charlie's Angels (2019)
Cats (2019)
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2017)
Ghostbusters (2016)
Doctor Who (2005- )

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